Batch 1

• Google buys nuclear weapons. Microsoft argues for tighter U.N. sanctions.

• Kofi Annan leaves office. U.N. sells exclusive third world country development licenses to Hyundai and Samsung

• Islam takes over Europe and Christianity moves to Asia. America messes with Texas.
  

• College sports fanaticism is added to Dante's work posthumously as the 10th and final level.

• Cloning legal. Men rethink marriage.

• US Government contracts NERF to make nonlethal offensive weaponry.

• American Chipko adherents lobby congress to make Christmas trees and their trafficking illegal.

• Roller Coaster Tycoon desensitizes youth to theme parks. In other news, Six Flags renamed Coney Island 2.

• Sylvester Stallone's Funeral II

• Jesus returns... reports on the fiscal state of heaven and proposes larger collections baskets.

• Ice caps melt. Japan sinks. Teenage boys everywhere go through pornography withdrawal.